I like to think that this blog is, by and large, optimistic. It’s also quite impersonal. Perhaps I keep myself too close to my chest, I’m unsure.
Unfortunately for my small readership I’m having a fucking bad day (or perhaps week) and I think I might be able to sleep if I inflict it on you. I mean ‘share’…
For about a month I haven’t been working hard enough. Haven’t been able. Been distracted. It happens to most people, I suspect. Unfortunately knowing that distraction and occasional misery happens to others doesn’t write C♯ code, or an essay on the Semantic Web. Nor does it learn very much in lectures or understand how to pull up my grades. It doesn’t address a life-long failure to motivate myself for academic assessments and it doesn’t stop me feeling anxious about the quickening passage of time. In fact, knowledge of collective hardship does absolutely nothing to ease my own small problems.
If this were a crap teen drama, I think I’m at the point where I go for that long wander in the low-light, some terribly mediocre music plays in the background (perhaps James Blunt), a conveniently placed feature of nature comes with a space to sit and somewhere in the background running water is audible. A bit of a cry, a stare out into the big nothing and I turn around to a lesser member of the cast who’s inexplicably appeared at my side. Turn away and fade to black.
Fade out, please. Because every time it fades back in somehow the world is all right again. For some reason mine isn’t and I know that tomorrow is going to suck.
Apologies for this, but look on the bright side: The first attempt at channelling my state of mind was like bad poetry. I promise that when I get older my metaphors will get better.
Ben is a 24 year old Web Developer from Cambridge and is a computing graduate of the University of Manchester.